My Colliding Moments
Tony Jacobs
Space Explorer

My story is in many ways just like yours.  It’s had moments of despair. Moments of  triumph and moments of standing still and taking in the scenery. Then there was those colliding moments that have forever altered my life.  
 
I've been doing youth ministry for over 25 years.  I won’t say how many years because reality is I still see myself as that 20 something guy who wants to conquer and rule the world.  If I were to tell you how many years I've been a youth pastor you would know that I am not that 20 something guy even though I still wear band shirts and converse.  
 
As a youth pastor I've had fire and passion burning in my soul.  I have made a difference as a youth pastor.  I could “do” Wed night youth group and Summer Camp with my eyes closed.  In all the years I had passion for these young people (actually I still do) but the passion inside of me at times was also being drown out.  As the years went by there were times I was actively engaged.  At times I was stuck, shut down, and frustrated.  At other times I was trying to figure out why I felt less alive, less passionate even though I was doing what I loved and what I felt called to do.  I was so passionate about student ministry but the passion for who God called me to be was always an ongoing struggle.  Who was I? What did God want from me? If I was doing His work how come at times I felt this tugging at my heart.
 


Then one day God told me clear as day that He was not done with me and that I was called to something more.  Great, Awesome, I’m ready and totally excited to do whatever it is God.  Little did I know that the next year would be filled with me looking at a door that appeared sealed shut. I knew the Lord wanted to push me thru the door but I couldn’t figure out how to unlock it. I couldn't find where the handle was or how to open it.  I felt as if I was just hitting up against it.  My fists began to fly and my frustration began to grow and I couldn’t understand why God would give me that word, show me the door and then leave me only to flop up against it over and over again.
 
Then bam everything changed. Well almost everything- everything except me.  The Lord reached down into my life and rolled out the red carpet and everything I had ever dreamed of was at the end of this road.  Suddenly I had everything I said would ever make me happy.  Everything I thought I was called for, everything I thought I was good at, everything my skill set said I had, and everything my spiritual gifts test said I should do.  I had it all and it was all at my fingertips and of course it grew and was successful.  But there was one thing that didn’t grow and that would be me.  I hadn’t changed going into this dream season.  When I got everything I thought I was suppose to do with my life I thought finally God you are listening and getting a clue. Here I was with all this blessing and I was incomplete, fumbling around and pissed because I had everything I thought I ever wanted but knew I was not where God wanted me to be according to His blue prints for my life.

 

 


So by this time I am all over the place.  I have been successful and loved doing my calling, fallen somewhat numb in my calling at times, angry and frustrated because God hadn’t supplied everything I thought He should have, frustrated and more angry that God had supplied everything according to my plans and desires but I knew that it wasn’t His plan.  I was serving and praying and God was using me but there was a battle taking place in my heart.  Unlike you though (or maybe you are just like me) I am not always the most willing subject for major heart surgery.  I would love to say that at all these colliding moments where God was replacing my heart with His that I was a willing participant and that I willingly and cheerfully turned myself in.  None the less God still chased after me.  There have been many many amazing moments on this journey.  God has used me in ways I could have never dreamed.  There were moments where I dug my heels in and allowed my life circumstances to define my relationship with God.  I lost heart in some of these moments.  I have had everything and nothing (literally).  I have like I said earlier had moments where I triumphed and grew by great measure.  There are also moments where I am embarrassed by my behavior and ashamed of the despair that I allowed to shake my foundation. There are moments when in standing still I have taken in who God is, who I am, and the places I have gone to.

I am astonished to this day that the Lord would use someone like me to talk and walk along someone like you.  I am amazed at the things He has brought me thru and how the stages of my heart help me to connect with the people God brings my way.  When I finally came to the end of myself is where I FINALLY found my way.  It never was about what I was good at, who I could connect with, what I thought I would like to do.  It was in the moments of completely abandoning who I thought God had made me to be that I found what He had made me to be.  I do not know where your story brings you but I’m glad that you’re here checking out my story and thinking about your own.  I hope that you will give me the opportunity to hear your story and see where God may collide the two.
Tony Jacobs

 

Call or text me if you want to talk or need someone to pray with you. Colliding Moments services are free and confidential. Call or text me at (909)471-6897 or email tjcollidingmoments@gmail.com 

 

 

 

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