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Shattered Glass
June 1, 2012



Shattered Glass

I remember a time not too long ago where a dream rattled me.  It was in the middle of one of the most challenging seasons I have ever faced. You see everything in my life had changed. Everything I thought about my life had become broken. Every step I took seemed to take me into places where I had never been before.  

This haunting dream was of me standing at the opening of a door. The door was open and the room was dark.  Shattered glass covered the entire floor.  I stood there barefoot, shaking with fear and sweat dripping all over my body. I visibly could see words on some of the shards. Some were big pieces of glass and some were small. These words were part of this season.  Words that were choices.  Words that were said to me.  Words that were thoughts of who I had become or thought I was bound to.

On the other side of the room was another door.  Open and the lock was tossed to the side. I had no idea how I was going to get across this space without slicing up my feet and injuring myself more. I remember thinking I’ve hurt so much already I can’t do this. You see I was use to doing things on my own. I was use to running ahead of God and trying to figure out my life. Here I was again with another choice. I knew deep inside of me this wasn’t just about me with some cuts to my feet. It was walking in painful moments all by self. By myself is where I chose to live a big part of this season. And if I were to be brutally honest with you I think I lived a big part of my life this way. I had shut off the light in my heart. I had so much loss in my heart because of how I felt God had managed my life.  And I wondered, standing there with yet another hard thing to cross did God hear any of my prayers? Did He hear any of my cries? Was I in this alone?  

I knew that if I took one step into this room by myself that it would guaranteed more pain for my life. I knew there was no way to navigate this room or to cross without injury. I also knew if I walked away and chose not to cross I could never get to that open door. I woke up with such sorrow and completely heavy hearted. At that moment I said I’m done! I’m done trying to do this by myself.  I can’t do this alone. I never fully understood what surrender looked like till I stood here in this moment. My way just kept breaking everything good into shards of glass that now laid on the floor.  My way kept putting on shoes to try to cross that only scattered and broke the pieces into a smaller sharper ones. My way now left a room full of shattered glass with no path left to cross or navigate thru. After sifting thru this dream and what it meant and the imagery that I could not shake, I closed my eyes and said “I’m done doing things my way.  I opened my eyes  and could see all along God was waiting for me. I could see myself on God’s back! I know that sounds weird! And if you know what I look like I’m a pretty big guy :). This paints a hilarious picture.

God took all the shards, the heart loss, the pain and He showed me that I don’t have to do this alone. That even in my most messed up places He absolutely loves and adores me. I knew in that moment that I didn’t need to have my life fixed or put together. I just need to reach out. This weird dream of glass scattered all over a room was all it took for me to see the true heart of God. In this hardest moment of my life I felt God move me closer to the other side. Closer to the possibilities of my life.  Closer to the doorsteps of who God made me to be.

Do you sometimes feel like your standing at the door of rooms like this in your life? Can some of you relate to the ideas of doing things on your own? How many pairs of shoes have you worn? How will your life be different moving forward. When we realize that we don’t have to walk alone how will you face these moments in your life? Would love to hear about your progress.


2 COMMENTS | POST A COMMENT

On Saturday, July 14, 2012, Kara said
I can relate to all of it. Your description of the room was great and got the point across. Hope you're doing well buddy!

 

 


On Saturday, June 2, 2012, Sasha said
I related to the part where you talk about the shoes. When something doesn't work I grab another pair and another and another. It is not until I am exhausted that I surrender. I wish I would always surrender without first trying my way a hundred different ways.


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